Pay You Back

This holiday I have had a lot of someone saying to me "I've got this" and me reaching into my wallet saying "Oh, you sure" and them saying "Of course!" Or something to that effect. A lot of people doing nice things for me and then saying "Don't mention it", "Of course", or (in Danish) "It was only so little". I started to feel like I've been building up a lot of "karma debt" and it was worrying me. But not because I was going to be attacked by "bad karma" to balance it off. Just that I feel uncomfortable when I'm indebted so much to so many people.

Last night, in a cab ride home from a pub, I offered my cousin Leanne some money to pay for a little bit of it and she reluctantly accepted, explaining to me "But you're the visitor," which started to put things in perspective for me.

I will pay people back. In some form, some day, somehow. Right now, I don't have the means. I have yet to work a proper long-term, full-time job to accumulate enough money that I don't have to hoard it for personal expenses. I have yet to become a rich successful filmmaker, and at the moment I don't really have anything grand to offer except for my presence and my time.

So in the meantime, those who have given me so much - my friend Elliott and his family, my friend Anna and her family, my English cousins in Brighton/Hove and Titchfield, my friend Paul from travelling, and my friend Vilhelm and his family - will all have to wait. I can give little things - little presents I found, maybe buy a drink or two, or give something I've owned for a while that I don't need anymore but might be nice for them to have. In a way, it's all a motivator for me to make a lot of money or have a nice home - so I will have something to share when the time comes.

So I will not forget! When you come to visit me in Canada, or wherever I may be, I will return the favour (either personally myself or with my lovely family). And when I get a good solid long-term full-time with benefits sort of job... 

I will buy the drinks and pick up the cheques.