I've decided that I'm going to sleep for two nights in a small cramped film set of an underground nuclear bunker to get into character for a film this weekend. It'll be uncomfortable, it'll be weird and creepy, I probably won't like it, but it may be just what I need to give a good enough performance. Cuz it's a crazy role and I'd never done something this challenging before. And I'm going to listen to the film's soundtrack over and over again so it'll be ingrained in my brain and only have the script with me and a laptop (sans internet) to write notes on my personal script I'm working on (in case I get ideas) and The Hynek UFO Report for reading. I'll emerge to eat food, discuss things with people, but I want to spend the bulk of my time inside the set, get the feel, get the craziness into me of this trapped helpless man, and try a new approach to acting.
My friend Anna told me I shouldn't be afraid to try something crazy. And to go all the way with it cuz in the end... why not? It might work, it might not. So should I even bring a mattress? Or if I do, just a simple, thin one, with a pillow. It shouldn't be comfortable, that'll defeat the purpose, right? Is this crazy? Probably. But will it work? Something tells me yes.
My friend Michelle also gave me some really good advice that is going to help me make a really big decision, much bigger than spending a crazy weekend in a fake bomb shelter. Because it is something that I thought might also be crazy or irrational... but it might be that this one instance in my life will be my only chance to try this crazy possibly irrational approach. Even if it means pulling myself away from the people and country I love.
I mentioned to some of the staff (and some of my fellow students) that I'm considering applying to be a College Assistant and stay another year in little Ebeltoft, Denmark. This could be stupid. It really could. But it also could lead to something amazing, something wonderful, something really beautiful that I've never before experienced. Maybe one of the crazy magical possibilities that have been swimming around in my head will actually happen and come true. And if I don't try something crazy now, while I am fortunate enough to be in a free position in my life to try something "out there"... then why not take the chance before I get into a routine in life that I cannot break from. I know I'll really miss my friends and family but... I won't be away from them forever. The people I really care about, I mean who truly have a deep significance in my life... we'll stay connected. And same with the people who truly care about me and consider me to be an important part of them.
Plus, I'll be giving them a good excuse to visit Denmark or a new part of the world. ;)
So I'm gonna think carefully over the next month before I submit my application. If I get the job, I'd be able to stay here and make more film projects using free equipment, work with the same great staff, take courses I didn't get the chance to take, have free room and board, make new connections and strengthen the ones I already have, and have a really good time. I know I'd enjoy myself. And I'd have my own room with my own space and a kitchen this time around, so I'd be able to make my own delicious meals when I'm sick of cafeteria food. And I know the other people who are applying for the same job, and they'd be good people to be around. Especially one person in specific, I would really like to spend more time with because they're a really amazing person I've gotten pretty close to this year. And those kinds of friendships/bonds are really important to me. And my roommate Jacob could visit every now and then... And... ah, fuck it, I dunno. Soul-searching and serious-thinking this next coming month.
And to have just ONE of the crazy magical possibilities I've imagined to happen to me in my life... wouldn't that be so cool?
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